More words of wisdom from the Three Little Pigs

Been watching 三隻小豬 lately and I seriously recommend it to insomniacs (Airs 11pm on Channel 49). About the program:

On certain days, when the guests are boring, it can be a yawn. The three girls sometimes irritate me- Yang Qian Pei tries too hard to be aggressive, Patty Hou tries too hard to be a comedian, Tian Xin, easily the most natural and adorable of the three can be too loud. Together, the three, at their worst, are like very noisy teenagers with high-pitched voices on a crowded bus- a pain in the ass.

However, most of the time, Patty is funny, Tian Xin is really cute and the three share strong camaraderie. Doesn’t hurt that the former is supposedly one of Taiwan’s top beauties and the latter, a sex goddess. Yang is not difficult on the eye as well. 

I am also thoroughly entertained whenever they talk about women. You know, like how we can be totally difficult to handle. It is ribs-cracking funny because it is TRUE!

First, women and romantic idol-dramas are a big headache for men. Many women who enjoy watching mushy, cannot-be-true-but-damn-we-still-want-to-believe dramas, start comparing their men to Vic Zhou, Jerry Yen, Takuya Kimura, Bae Yong Jun and the likes. Suddenly their men appear small, insignificant and unbearably unromantic.

Why doesn’t my man hug me from behind and put his head on mine while we sit together in our apartment looking at a beautiful Christmas tree that reaches to the ceiling of my house (Love Generation)? Damn! I don’t even have a Christmas tree! When we are in the midst of a quarrel, why doesn’t he forcefully pull me into his arms and then kiss me senseless, until my surroundings spin from the sheer centrifugal force his kiss emanates (from all respectable idol dramas)?? And god, from the mother of them all- Meteor Garden, why doesn’t my bf shyly ask me to meet him on any balcony, teach me astrology through a telescope and then present me with a beautiful and very expensive necklace specially designed in the shape of a star???

I admit it. I am one of those crazy women who want their bf to do stupid stuff, just so she can fulfil her romantic fantasies. I have made the poor guy carry me, piggy-back style, up the long flight of stairs to Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall in the cold winter of Taiwan. I am also fond of counting the steps down various long flights of stairs while walking hand-in-hand. What makes my heart skip a beat: acting out my favourite scene in my favourite Chinese movie Tempting Heart (Xing Dong) where Takeshi Kaneshiro enveloped Gigi Leung with his trenchcoat when she was freezing. The thing is, my bf’s windbreaker is a little too small. Still, i go ahead with the acting everytime he dons a sweater/windbreaker/jacket. -_-“.

If I am not ridiculous enough, i also realised that i am guilty of asking the top 10 questions men fear most. And the worst thing is these questions do not ever stop, they go in a loop.

1) How many girlfriends have you had? If he says anything more than one (ie you), go on to ask who were his gfs/why they broke up/if they are better than you are/if he loves them more..this can really go on. If his answer is Only You: ask- Really? Are you lying? Are you sure? and again just go on in this manner. (This one ok lah, i dun like to know the past haha)

2) How much do you love me? Be honest, i think most women would have asked this question at some point in their relationship. If he says “very much”, go on to ask “how much”. If he says “just very very much”, go on to ask “exactly how much”, if he says “as much as the sea is deep”, ask him repeatedly if he is patronizing you.

3) Have you changed after all these years of being with me? If he answers: “Yes, I have changed. I have fallen very deeply in love with you”. Do not let him off. Torment him with: “Huh? that means you don’t love me in the past???!!!”

4) This is another common question: Will you love me when i become fat/old/ugly? Again, if he answers in the affirmative, accuse him of blatant lying.

5) Do i look any different to you today? This is BAD cos’ the men can’t tell if your hair is parted a little more to the left of centre, or if you have painted your nails a different shade of pink. But the bf is surprisingly quite observant (he knows mascara). In the event that your bf attempts to pacify you with “You look the same, as pretty as ever”, fly into a rage and make him guess until he gets it right.

6) Do you think she’s pretty/sexy/hot? (i am ok with his frank answer most of the time cos’ i do enjoy checking out pretty girls. In fact, this is one of our common shared passions. A different story when I have PMS) If the bf says: “She is pretty, but i think her legs are a little too skinny”, get really agitated and shout:”Damn it! I knew it! You have been checking out her legs!”. The bf’s answer is always good (exactly the model answer mentioned in the program!! Bravo!!): he always gives me a blur look and then says :”Who? I wasn’t looking.” And if i point her out, he shrugs and says “Er ok loh”. Purrfect!!! haha.

7) Am i unreasonable? Why, why, why, Why??? Then go back to question 2 and 3: Do you still love me? You must have changed over the years and not love me any longer! That’s why you think i am unreasonable. You weren’t like that in the past! Have you changed? Do you still love me?

8) Just keep on asking why. Bf: “I am tired”. Me:”Why?”. Bf: Just tired la, dun want to talk.”. Me: But why?” Bf: Just shut up! Me: “I knew it! you have changed! do you still love me? You would have answered me last time!” What the bf should do: Just tickle me and in a sweet and cute tone, say “why” repeatedly and make me laugh. Laughing should stop the questions.

9) If your mum/sister/grandmother and I were to fall into the big black sea, who would you save first? (I don’t ask this question. Meaningless.)

10) Is your love for me deeper now? Or was it deeper in the past? If the bf says “Now”, wail and go “That means you were lying in the past! You were not in love with me in the past!!!”. “All your sweet nothings were false!!” Then repeat question 2 and 3.  If he says “In the past”, er…warning alarms should sound. If he says “the same”, and yes, you get it by now, accuse him of lying again or of not making an effort.

The above is of course, somewhat an exaggeration. But really, most women (or at least I) do ask some of these questions sometimes. And when i am in a certain mood, the questions are repetitive. Poor men hahaha.

I love hypothetical questions: “What if- blahblahblah”. I ask my friends such questions all the time, and so for the bf, he gets it twice as bad. Sometimes, he brushes my questions aside by being ever practical and saying “But that’s impossible!/why would I be in a room full of naked women throwing themselves at me?!!/why would a woman suddenly strip naked in front of me when i am in a club??!!”. When he is in the mood, he answers my questions without really thinking through his responses. He doesn’t know i remember what he says.

So two months down the road, when i ask him the same question, and he gives a different answer, i go berserk and i say: “What??!! That wasn’t what you told me two months ago???!! you weren’t listening to me??!! WHY???!! Are you telling the truth now??!! Are you paying attention now?!!”. At this point, he starts looking very stressed.

See? Women (ok lah me then) are so so difficult to please.


4 responses to “More words of wisdom from the Three Little Pigs

  1. hahahaha you are damn funny lah. oh i also liked the same scene in xin dong.. but only if it’s takeshi kaneshiro. gigi is so lucky! hahaha..

  2. aserendipitiouslife

    Haha..that scene is the bane of all men loh..
    Cannot get takeshi kaneshiro, so the bf and sweater will have to do!:p

  3. I ask some of those questions too!
    And 1 more thing, all the scenes u describe i’ve watched!

  4. aserendipitiouslife

    ya:) i guess at some point in time, we all do ask them…:)

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