A friend shared an article: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlemc.aspx?cp-documentid=12234956>1=32023
Eventually, I found her last name, what shows she’d worked on as a designer … I had just enough scraps of information to construct an identity for this woman I’d never met. My ill-gotten knowledge enriched every word my boyfriend said about her, although he didn’t talk about her much. “Know-it-all” became “enchantingly brilliant.” “Ambitious” meant the show she’d worked on won a Tony. “Incompatible” was code for “except in bed” — that sultry vixen with legs up to her chin. Soon, I was totally fixated on her.
Of course, we all have pasts. It’s just that 10 years ago, our exes lived in piles of dusty photos buried in shoeboxes. MySpace lured me into thinking I could unlock the grand mystery of my boyfriend’s last relationship. If I looked hard enough, clicked on enough pictures, scanned enough comments, I’d be able to find the real reason they’d split, what really turned him on, what power she’d really had over him … and maybe why it wasn’t working with us.
I haven’t been in many relationships but based on whatever experience i have had with the men i’ve dated, this seems to be true. G and I discussed, and realised that we have, to a certain extent in the past, been guilty of cyber-stalking. Whether it is the other woman, the ex-girlfriend or the new girlfriend (we also realised, to our horror, that we have both stalked all three categories haha) , the Internet has made it so easy for finding out more to turn into a dreadful obsession. We just want to know about the woman who used to have such a strong hold (maybe it wasn’t that strong a hold, but imagination is a scary thing) on our man or who has usurped our positions (this is devastating. If she is hot, your self-esteem is utterly destroyed. If she is not-so-hot, the first reaction would be an unbelievable !!What!?!. And then your self-esteem ends up shattered because you have ‘lost’ to some random woman whose charms you cannot see)
And we both came to the conclusion that cyber-stalking is totally destructive and an absolute waste of time. I know it doesn’t take a genius to figure, but trust me, when you are in the midst of it all, staring at all the pictures and reading all the testimonials and googling that particular person’s name and searching for that person’s name on webshots/flickr/multiply/blogger and blah blah blah blah blah- all these start to make perfect sense. We also figured that men don’t seem to be bothered about the ex-boyfriend, the new man or the other man. Men move on. Women ruminate. Men blame everyone else but themselves. Women find fault with themselves and go over what they could possibly have done wrong a million and one times. Ok maybe not all women. Maybe just G and me.
C’mon, lets not be too hard on ourselves. Let go and believe that whatever is all for the better=)
Last but not least, there is just one word we don’t quite get. Sustainability. We know we have no problems at all igniting the spark..but to keep the spark burning after the matchstick has been used, ah, that’s the art we desperately want need to master. Our new frivolous resolution 🙂