Twilight! Do not read if averse to gushing.

Twilight is Meet Joe Black Part II for me. Read

The plot is ahem, at best, a vampire story with a twist (given that the Cullens are ‘vegetarian’ vampires, do not melt in the sun and do not have visible fangs). At its worst, the plot is, to put it very bluntly, crappy. I am utterly sure about this and i will explain my conclusion in the later part of my review.

However, if xw, jini and I could have our way, Twilight would be THE big Oscar winner of the year. Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen would surely be rewarded as Best Actor for his intense look, his intense smile, his intense gait, and did i mention intense? Twilight would also get a nom for Best Special Effects. The flying, the running, oh, Edward flying, Edward running- it is a work of art, period. Twilight would also be in the running for Best Picture simply because it convinced us that falling in love with a vampire is really what we need for our lives to be complete.

Every time Edward Cullen so much as smile or stare at something intensely (intense is the word of the day, if you haven’t noticed) or allow his long legs to make huge strides across vast school grounds, vast plains and all else vast, collective breathy female gasps become audible in the theatre. The three of us must admit that we contributed to those…sounds. Sincere apologies if you were sitting next to us and had to tolerate our heavy, labourious breathing and sharp intakes of breath.

I honestly enjoyed the film very much. I mean, i really can’t remember much of the plot. I do remember however cringing at certain things Edward said to Bella (a very likeable Kirsten Steward), and wondering why everyone disappeared halfway through prom, leaving Edward and Bella dancing lovingly on their own. These random thoughts however could not make a dent on my appreciation of the film. I stared at the screen, mouth wide open, throughout the entire duration of Twilight. The scene which made the biggest impact on me was when Edward, strong and mighty, threw his arms around the frail shoulders of Bella, staking his claim on her. Oh my god- that was the most powerful piece of cinematographic magic i have seen in a long while.  

Immediately after Twilight ended, the three love-struck not-so-young women rushed to Page One to get their copy of Twilight. Seeing only three copies of the book (which, oh my god, comes with a HUGE POSTER of Pattinson), the three leapt and grabbed their copy. They even took the Children’s section (yes, that’s where Twilight can be found. Together with Sweet Valley High). They proceeded to buy another great piece of work- Twilight The Illustrated Movie Companion (which is a fanciful title for Picture Book Featuring The Gorgeous Cullens) and happily went home. They couldn’t stop smiling on their way home. They were so love-lorn, they didn’t care about the awful Christmas crowd.

In a final display of Pattinson-induced intense madness, the three met online and joined the Robert Pattinson Fan Club on Facebook haha.

And then, i calmed down and started reading the book. No offence to any fan out there, but er, the writing is quite terrible. A sample:

About three things I was absolutely positive.

First, Edward was a vampire.

Seond, there was a part of him-and I didn’t know how dominant that part might be- that thirsted for my blood.

And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

I am a little amazed by myself haha. I actually bought such a book. I, the hater of silly romance novels and chick lit, am now the proud owner of Twilight. There you go, the irresistible charms of Robert Pattinson. I am just thankful I didn’t buy the whole box set (we very nearly did).

If not for Pattinson, I would have totally agreed with this hilarious review But because of Pattinson, all those unbearably mawkish lines made perfect sense, effectively sending me into a state of intense euphoria. Also, I realised the whole film could be just about him walking and running about, and I would still enjoy it. In fact, xw and I have agreed that we would’t mind watching the film again haha. It has been a looong time since any celebrity could make me swoon to this extent (fan club?!! poster?!)

Meanwhile, i will try to read Twilight. I think i can do it if i close my eyes once every five pages and imagine Pattinson’s lovely face saying, “You’re not like anyone i’ve ever known. You fascinate me.” Muahaha- just that thought is sending me into peals of giggles.

If you do not see any review of the book in a week, it would probably mean that i gave up, tore out the poster and dumped the book into the deep recesses of my vast book closet. Finally, if you are feeling disgusted, I apologize. But I did warn you in advance:p





5 responses to “Twilight! Do not read if averse to gushing.

  1. Hi there,
    I chanced upon your review and thought it was well-written and funny.
    Give the book a chance, it is very good!

  2. You are funny la hahahaaaa….

  3. aserendipitiouslife

    Celia: Hi=) Thanks..and yup, i am reading haha

    Ron: You gotta watch it man! trust me! *hearts in eye*

  4. seems likely that they will come out with a Twilight sequel pretty soon, there’s a crazy lot of ticket sales at stake

  5. aserendipitiouslife

    I’m sure there will be! =)

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