Why can’t I grow up?

I’m actually bothered when people say I look way younger than my age. Most people don’t understand why and respond in variations of: Why? Isn’t it good to look younger? You will appreciate it when you grow old!

Erm, all i can think of is: really? You should try it! haha…

Reasons why I hate looking barely out of my teens (hate it enough to perm my hair, which btw, i have cut off cos’ the second successive perm made my hair frizzy, and my hair is never frizzy!!  So it’s just barely grazing my collarbones, and I’m back at square one with one colleague commenting almost immediately when she saw my new do: “She looks younger doesn’t she!”. To which I cracked a forced smile)

1) It is bad professionally. I didn’t feel it until my internship with a certain paper during university days. I got plenty of harrassment- I mean, smelling my hair, trying to wrap me with a gym-soaked sweat towel?! There could be other reasons, maybe I just look stupid, but I blame my youth cos’ one guy blatantly said: “You look so young and nice to bully!” Harassment aside,  my bosses would hesitate before sending me out. Typical comments: Can she do it? She looks so young. Oh, nah, she’s just a sweet young thing. Now, all these just mean I got to work extra hard to prove myself. When I was teaching, the same problems: students trying to be rude, students trying to be friendly, students giving me like the worst pick-up lines (I mean, how authoritative can I look when a kid hits on me in a school library?). Now at office, people think i am an intern.  

2) In the area of getting hit on on the streets (clubs don’t count, cos people are drunk, it is dark, and everybody gets hit on by everybody): When I was in junior college, with that green uniform (which on the record, i really liked!), I got approached by kids from Pasir Ris Secondary School. Twice. When I went to university, I got hit on by junior college guys in the West. At least thrice. When I started working, let’s just say army boys like me. Many times. It was flattering at the beginning, but I am old, and I still get the same screwed up lines. Most of my friends no longer get picked up at the streets (they just get pursued by rich older men) cos’ they have grown out of the hi-miss-can-i-get-your-number market. Me? I.am.stuck.and.still.viable.in.that.market.

3) I will never hook up with a rich, suave, much older man. I’ve good friends in relationships/former relationships with men, 10, 12, 15, 20 years older. I have never even been pursued by anybody..more than 7 years older. And that 7 is a rare one. And now that I am older, the number of men who has tried to date me, and who are 7 years younger is much larger than the number who are 7 years older. If there is anyone born to be a cougar, it is me. I’m destined to attract students who are just not rich, not worldly, and not very smart. To sum it up, a good guy friend who happens to be close to ten years older said he would never date me, because i look like I’m 20 years younger, and he would look like a cradle-snatcher.

4) Compliments- what i would give to be called womanly..sensuous..sexy…sophisticated, even i dunno, fierce, confident, capable?! All i get is cute, sweet, adorable, sweet, cute, and it just goes on…….

5) Just walking around- I’ve NEVER been approached by a credit card company. Everyone I know gets approached, even hx- and he is famously boyish-looking. He doesn’t look 28 but he still gets approached. Regularly. I am terribly obsessed with this, and i have on numerous occasions purposely walk slowly past these people and they ignore me (now u know i m weird haha and if u happen to work in a bank, please just stop me. It will make my day). So i look young, and I look poor. What I do get alot of are “modelling” agencies. I’ve been approached countless times by people claiming to be talent scouts looking out for a shining star to take Singapore’s showbiz by storm. Now, I could do that, if I was like er, 20 cm taller. The reason (we arrived at that conclusion after discussion), is because I look like a silly teen who will pay $xxx for a dumb portfolio. It stopped for a while, the last time I got it was at City Hall in February, and then tada! I got approached this time at Bugis Junction just on Saturday.

I do not want to look old and wrinkled, but I would like to look my age and then have people telling me: “Ah, she is ageing gracefully”. I would like people to stop treating me like a sweet young thing ( i hate that phrase), I would like to stop getting picked up by wrong people, wrong agencies on the streets cos’ I am too old for that and I would like catcalls at the community centre to stop (to be fair, these people whistle at all females hahaha)

Ok, i am just going on and on, because I have PMS and because my boss just told me I looked too young to pretend to be something, and got another colleague who is three years younger to pretend to be that something instead. Ouch.

Now, the worst thing that could happen is: I look young all the way until 40, and when it is acceptable/a compliment to be told you look young, I suddenly shrivel up and look wrinkled, old, and sad. See how neurotic I really am?

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2 responses to “Why can’t I grow up?

  1. look young or not.. u are one pretty lass…. thats sooo much more important!!!

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